whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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