forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
