She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
