You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Barsexuality is the new black.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
