So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
