She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
