His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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