ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize