I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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