Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
