my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
