so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
