I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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