god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
