He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize