our cab driver is having phone sex.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
