fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
