I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
