I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
