I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
