please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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