i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
