just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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