I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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