i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
