my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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