i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
