dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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