dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
