Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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