apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
