she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Randomize
