I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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