I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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