what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize