Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Please, let me fuck your mom
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
