I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
