I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
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