note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
