She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
