I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
