Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my being single is dangerous.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
