he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
