He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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