I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
