3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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