Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
