Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
