how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
