Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
