its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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