The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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