There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
