Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
