I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
