I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need to calm my uterus...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
