Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
