i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
