I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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