i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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