Do you still have your period?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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