Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
