How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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