it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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