I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
even my farts smell like vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
