Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
