Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
