I just cut my nipple shaving
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
