Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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