I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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